A Letter to My Inner Child On Mother’s Day
Dear 6-year-old Kira,
Your mother has been taken from you, and I know your life is completely shattered right now.
I see you.
But know that “mother” is going to become the most beautiful, most expansive word for you — a life-defining thing not completely defined by heartbreak. Heartbreak will always be a part of it, but there will also be inexpressible joy, self-discovery, and so much strength that you won’t know if you can wield it.
But you can. And you must.
You have lost her right now, and she will be gone for a long time. But you will find her again once you become a mother. And when you do finally find her, you will start on a wild, sometimes ugly, mostly beautiful journey of finding yourself. It will lead to understanding that because of what you have gone through, little one, you have important work to do. And you will find comfort where you are most afraid to look right now.
Your pain matters. You are caught in the middle of so many conflicting forces. And one day, your pain, your lonely sadness, those massively scary feelings that are jumbled up and screaming inside of you, will unravel and blossom into your superpower. Those feelings, once you allow them to burst from your throat, will be the foundation of the work you are proud to model to your own children.
The life you will one day love is made possible by the woman you are mourning right now — a woman who made the brave, irrational choice to bring you into the world. I know she feels so far away right now. But trust me — once you discover her strength, you will find yours.
And you will understand that you do not have to choose between mothers. You will collect many mothers along the way (most importantly, the one you will call “Mom” who you will ask to adopt you one day). This is not a betrayal of the mother you just lost. It will be a celebration of the love she will always have for you. You will understand this once you feel the glow of other people’s love for your own boys.
But today, sweet girl, it’s ok to cry. In fact, when you feel you have no more tears left in that little body, please sit for a while longer and cry some more. It’s ok to rage and scream and let your feelings tumble from you like a tsunami. Do not be afraid of them, for they are your purpose on this Earth. Let them flow.
You are loved. You are so loved.