Racism is America’s Childhood Trauma and We Need Therapy

Effects from a painful and violent past can stay with us as long as we refuse to fully process the root trauma.

I lost my mother when I was six years old. I barely have any memories of her, or of any time before she died, so in my consciousness, my life begins in a world where my mother doesn’t exist.

I wasn’t put in therapy. I wasn’t encouraged to learn much about her or to dig into the loss in any real way. It was largely brushed under the rug. I wrote sad poetry in my diary, I explained to people why I lived with my dad and my stepmom, I projected happiness, I encouraged friends not to worry (i.e. “My mom died, but I was really young”) and I moved on. Until recently, I never considered that losing my mother was actually a major childhood trauma. And I never fully realized, until I started trying to become a mother myself, that the effects of this unexplored trauma were littered all over the pages of my life.

According to Psychology Today:

Trauma generates emotions, and unless we process these emotions at the time the trauma occurs, they become stuck in our mind and body. Instead of healing from the wounding event, the trauma stays in our body as energy in our unconscious, affecting our life until we uncover it and process it out.

The things that happen in our childhood forever shape who we are as adults. I would argue that the same is true of a nation. In considering the effects of the early trauma in my own life (which I’ll certainly explore in the future), a thought took hold and grew in my mind. Our very country was founded on slavery, so quite literally, white supremacy and racism are America’s childhood traumas.

Think about it. Our country enslaved men, women and children, and it’s difficult to even wrap our heads around the atrocities that occurred. Then what happened? Enslaved people were set free with the promise of “40 acres and a mule” (which, by the way, would be worth roughly $640 billion in Black wealth today). But that promise, like so many others, went unfulfilled. And formerly enslaved Black people, without money, property, or an education, were forced to make their way in a world full of people who believed them inferior. There was no processing what happened. There was no help in sight. Our country’s message was largely, “Okay, you’re free. Get over it. Move on.”

And here we are in 2021, where there are people who won’t even fully acknowledge this ugly, bloody and violent history, let alone its effects on our country today. We have people who don’t even want our kids to learn the truth about America’s past (and present) in school. We have people who hear the words ‘systemic racism’ and spew the words, “Just get over it already,” or, “Can’t you just move on?”

As a country, we do all of the things a therapist would oppose. We don’t fully acknowledge or process the trauma, or the repercussions that stem from it. We don’t all learn the same truth. Instead, we largely brush it all under the rug because critical thinking and self-examination is hard and painful. Rather than dealing with the cracks in our foundation, we go on, because it’s more comfortable that way for the majority of Americans. Meanwhile, the cracks beneath us, and within us, divide and grow.

But whether or not we acknowledge the trauma, it’s there. Racism in our country is systemic because it is woven into the very structure of our society. It’s stuck in our collective body because we’ve never fully processed it. And the longer we go on without addressing the effects of our childhood trauma, the deeper the roots dig in.

As long we keep hearing, “It’s not our fault,” or “It happened 400 years ago,” or “Why is it our problem now?” or “Racism is just an excuse,” or worse yet, “Racism isn’t a real problem,” we will never heal. The obvious truth is that no one from the past is here to answer for those original crimes against humanity. So if we don’t answer for the repercussions of those crimes, who will?

Until we act as a country, Black men will continue to disproportionately be victims of police brutality, Black bodies will continue to populate prisons at an extreme rate, and women who look like me will continue to be 2 1/2 times more likely to die in childbirth than white women.

I won’t get my mother back, but I am the person who is here today dealing with the effects of that loss. So it’s up to me to take those pivotal steps toward healing. Slave owners are not living today. We are the ones living with the effects of systemic racism in our country as a result of their actions. So it is up to us to take those pivotal steps toward healing, because we are the ones who are here. If we do not take healing into our own hands, then we are complicit in perpetuating racism’s devastating effects.

In short, when it comes to racism, we, all of us, as a country, need therapy. And though I know these goals are lofty, here’s what I think that looks like.

Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional, and am not authorized to give medical advice. I have, however, collaborated with a licensed therapist on this article regarding childhood trauma, it’s potential effects, and potentially effective treatment strategies. Below are some steps that she suggested for processing trauma from childhood. These steps, of course, are not exhaustive, and vary based on specific cases.

1. Acknowledge/Name the Trauma

We are more afraid of the words “racist” and “racism” in this country than we are of actual racism in practice. The defensiveness brought about by the mere mention of these words prevents many Americans from taking any further steps toward healing. So first things first. We need to be able to name the trauma without excuses, without arrogance, and without fear. We need to acknowledge racism, call out racism when we see it, and be willing and able to identify the racism that exists within ourselves.

Because yes, we, all of us, have racism within us. This is why I find it frustrating when I hear people say, “But I’m not racist,” or “I don’t have a racist bone in my body.” These statements, while common, are dismissive of the larger trauma, release the speaker from any responsibility to learn more or do better, and completely miss the big picture — that racism is built into all of our thinking because of the world we grew up in.

By acknowledging that racism is systemic, we accept that it is inevitably part of us. So our fear should not lie in being called a racist. Our fear should lie in not being able to speak the word aloud (or excusing it in any way so it seems unapparent), and therefore not being able to do anything about it. It’s impossible to solve problems we can’t name.

Our first task is to acknowledge that there is racism at work within all of us, and that we need to work actively to purge that racism that is already there. To begin to weed it out, we must first recognize it and name it.

2. Seek Professional Help

Even more than naming trauma, I believe this to be the single hardest thing for Americans to do. Acknowledging, within ourselves, the need for help, and asking for it.

So many of us are resistant to seeking professional help, or being told that we’re wrong in any way. We let our own egos, our own fears, our own versions of the truth, cloud our judgement and prevent us from taking any critical steps toward healing.

Why is that? Why do we cling so fiercely to our own ways? Why do we build walls, made only of the facts that we can swallow, around ourselves? Why do we have such a difficult time with being open to change and growth? And why are we so resistant to professionals who can help?

When you’ve suffered from trauma, there are mental health professionals everywhere who can help you heal. And when it comes to racism, there is no shortage of professional resources. PBS has an extensive list of resources to learn from (and The Washington Post has an even lengthier list of learning material). The real hurdle to overcome here is for all of us as a country to be open to seeking professional help, and to stop thinking we “know enough” or “know better.”

The larger picture here is education. I’ve taken my own education about Black history and racism into my own hands in the last year. And I’ve been appalled by the things I didn’t learn in school. We need to learn more about our trauma as a country, because “Black history” isn’t just for Black people to learn. It is American history, and it dates back to before we even had a constitution. As a collective whole, we need to acknowledge and claim the same history, and fully understand the historical and current manifestations of racism in our country.

3. Assess for Symptoms

“Although your trauma is technically “in the past,” traumatizing experiences in childhood can’t be laid to rest until the ways they live on in your current experiences, symptoms, and relationships are deeply understood.”

The Michigan ACE Initiative

Once we’ve acknowledged the trauma and sought professional help, we need to take a good hard look around and identify the symptoms we’re dealing with.

On a personal level, where does systemic racism show up in our own lives and communities?

Black people have felt this their entire lives. Mass incarceration. Maternal and newborn death rates. Redlining. Police brutality. Just to name some big, easily-researchable things. These can all be directly traced back to slavery. Black people are not “just complaining” or “looking for handouts” when they speak of these injustices. Black people are dealing with a different set of circumstances and, in general, are looking for these injustices to be seen as exactly what they are — symptoms of systemic racism that we should all be committed to eradicating.

White people, however, can easily miss the systemic racism that Black people see as obvious. That’s mainly because when you’re the beneficiary of something, you’re not as likely to dig deeper to discover why that is. The words ‘white privilege’ are such a trigger for many white Americans. But that is one of the main symptoms of racism — the fact that certain people benefit where others are at a disadvantage.

As a country, we need to be able to assess the symptoms of racism. Period. We need to stop creating counter arguments that are not related to racism when we’re talking about racism. Yes, we have all struggled in our lives for a variety of reasons. Acknowledging racism or privilege doesn’t deny any of that. (I’m thinking mainly of the “All Lives Matter” crowd who can’t see the symptoms of racism because they believe that encouraging Black worth is somehow anti-white.)

If I confided in someone about the loss of my mother and my struggle to deal with the resultant trauma, I’d be baffled if they responded with, “Well, my house burned down, so I matter too.”

Racism is a specific issue we all need to work to eradicate. We all need to be able to identify it without inserting ourselves into the equation. We need to stop pushing unrelated comparisons so that we can all objectively identify the symptoms of this specific trauma.

4. Offer Self Compassion

I think it goes without saying that being a Black person, in a country that was built for the advancement of white men, is difficult. But it’s also hard to admit we’ve been wrong, or that we’ve been operating under false assumptions. It’s difficult to change our thinking. It’s difficult to grapple with racism within ourselves that we never noticed before. This is all hard stuff.

You know what else is difficult? Compassion. Especially when it comes to racism. But I believe that if we, as a country, all took steps 1-3, if we were all open to acknowledging racism and learning more, we could all be justifiably compassionate with ourselves and each other.

The trouble I see frequently with compassion is that people want to skip to this step without doing any work. Many are more concerned with being “cancelled” than they are about eradicating racism. I personally can’t have compassion for anyone who isn’t willing to open their mind or their heart. I can’t be anything but angry at people who refuse to believe they have anything to learn by considering a perspective outside their comfort zone. And I believe on the flip side, non-Black people who won’t open up, listen or learn will never be able to offer true compassion toward Black people. All of this can lead to a whole lot of shame, and shame is perfect at stopping progress in its tracks.

I think that once we get past the key hurdles of acknowledgement and learning, we need to approach ourselves with compassion, not shame. We have grown up in a society infused with racism to its core, so looking back, we are going to find racism everywhere. (I often think of my grandmother — a Black woman who truly believed white people were superior. I remember how she expressed relief that I had a white prom date junior year of high school.) We can’t change the past — we can only change the present and the future. So let’s all just normalize holding ourselves accountable for mistakes and racist thinking of the past, offering ourselves compassion, and moving forward toward real and deliberate change.

5. Tune In/Increase Awareness of Feelings

“Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.”

Martin Luther King Jr.

Tuning in is hard. Tuning out and dismissing is much easier. Guess which of these leads to healing?

People in this country have been really good at rationalizing things that are just plain wrong. And they do so without really tuning into the humanity behind it, whether because of prejudice, ego, political affiliation, or ignorance.

Let’s just think about one well-known example. Just close your eyes and imagine a man crying for his mother while a police officer’s knee squeezes the life out of him. Just let that sink in. Really feel that. Feel that man’s pain as he dies a pointless death. Next, consider why that white police officer seemed to feel no remorse in squeezing the life out of that man. In fact, he seemed to be enjoying himself.

Now, what if the man on the ground were white? What if the cop had been Black? How does that make you feel?

Can you challenge your thinking? Can you tune in? Or are you already checking out and trying to justify your thoughts?

Nearly every Black person has a story about how racism has impacted their lives. But we, as a country, can’t seem to feel it until we can see it with our own eyes. It took a white cop carelessly murdering a Black man on film for many Americans to open their eyes to injustices all around them. And for many, that example still wasn’t enough.

On a larger level, we all need to feel racism in order to come to terms with it. People who do not open up enough to feel it will never understand the need for processing or change.

How can you feel it? I believe that the best way to feel experiences of others is to listen to stories. Read books. Watch documentaries or films. Listen to experiences that are different than yours. Whether it be podcasts, fiction or non-fiction books, social media accounts. Submerge yourself, and don’t be afraid to stay with those feelings. Tune in.

6. Learn How to Tolerate the Intense Feelings We Uncover

Tuning in, while crucial, can be uncomfortable. So once you’ve tuned in to the feelings brought about by trauma, those feelings may become overwhelming or loud. These feelings are important to notice and identify. But then, we must work on how we tolerate them going forward so that they aren’t so intense that they get in the way of healing.

Do strong feelings come up for you when you hear the words “racism,” “white privilege,” or “white supremacy?” Does the possibility of being challenged because of unintentional racism scare you? What feelings arise when you learn things about Black history and white supremacy that you didn’t know before? What comes up for you when racism is discussed in general?

It’s important for all of us to ask ourselves these questions and grapple with the feelings that come up. Because intense feelings can be paralyzing. And just like naming the original trauma, if we can’t identify and acknowledge the feelings that come up within ourselves, we can’t work through them, and we can’t heal.

7. Replace Maladaptive Habits With Life Promoting Ones

Once we’re aware of the effects of our trauma, we can take charge and actively work against those habits that feel easy as breathing. We can stop saying, “I didn’t know any better,” and instead, know better and do better.

We all need to look inside ourselves and recognize the bad habits we continue to perpetuate as a result of the trauma. What previously unintentional racist thoughts, actions and feelings have you been harboring or practicing? How can you make a plan to reverse those habits and hold yourself accountable when you fall into bad habits?

And on a larger scale (generally speaking, because this would be a whole other article), this is where the people in power need to come into play. This is where laws need to be changed, standards need to be raised, and racism needs to be deliberately weeded out of every system.

8. Find Community

When you’re recovering from trauma, are you going to continue to surround yourself with people who encourage your bad habits?

Racism will continue to fester as long as we give it air to breathe. So if we continue to let it fly free in our social circles, we are complicit in its continuation. Why are we so afraid to talk to one another? Why are we so afraid to listen without building walls? Why are we so afraid to be wrong? We can’t be so afraid, or embarrassed, or proud, that we can’t stand up for what is right.

In a perfect world, our country becomes the community that we seek. A community of people actively engaged in fighting racism. But in the short term, we each need to find that community of support. We’ve got to talk to each other. We’ve got to share experiences, encourage each other, push back on each other when needed. It’s crucial to not hide in a bubble, but to instead find the people who are also committed to the hard work of healing. And once you’ve found your community, work on outreach.

9. Allow Time and Patience to Heal

Time does not heal all wounds. That’s a fantasy. That’s the “easy” answer that allows toxicity to fester. We can’t skip ahead to this step without first putting in the work above.

We need to be proactive, take the steps, do the hard work, and come together against racism. Only then can the time pass productively when it comes to healing a racist country.

There are minds and hearts that will not be moved or changed today. That’s where patience comes into play. I think anyone would be out of their minds to suggest that we can achieve racial healing in my generation. We’ve got 400 years of racism working against us. But if our country could take these real steps now, we could be patient with the hope that healing is possible, and that future generations could live in that coveted reality where racism is purged from the system.