We’ve Left Parents of Kids Under 5 In An Impossible Position

I didn’t intend to write this post, but I want to address something that’s been weighing so heavy on my heart. I haven’t felt like I’ve had the right words, but I also feel like the words are being held back by a dam that’s ready to burst with pressure. So here goes.

I’m talking about parents of kids under 5. And specifically, I’m talking about our mental health.

In earlier pandemic living, I used to feel like we, as a country, were living in two different worlds: one where people took Covid safety seriously, and one where they didn’t. Now, those lines are divided even further. Because people who have taken the pandemic threat seriously are, in large part, returning to some semblance of normal life. They are vaccinated, the numbers are lower, mask mandates are being lifted, and we’ve been slogging through this high-stress pandemic for 2 years. People are done.

I’m done too. But I’m a parent of a 4-year old kid who isn’t yet eligible for vaccination. So I can’t be done.

It’s like the world has forgotten about us. And there is no clear guidance that makes any sense. Recommendations, when it comes to safety for children of 5, remain the same as they have for the majority of the pandemic. Wear masks, protect them by surrounding them with vaccinated people. Reduce exposure by keeping them out of public places and away from people who aren’t wearing masks. Avoid “unnecessary” risks.

But in the same breath, officials are telling people to take their masks off and go about their lives. So what does that mean for kids under 5? We were able to be out and about a bit with the safety of most people adhering to mask mandates in stores and such. Now, as masks fly off, our risk of going anywhere has just gone up exponentially.

Are we, as their families, supposed to retreat indoors and stay there until further notice? I am someone who is already prone to being hyper vigilant. I am a rule follower, and I like when plans are in place to easily and clearly follow. So I, like many parents, have made the sacrifices recommended to keep my family and my son safe. We haven’t had playdates. Real family vacations haven’t happened since 2019. We haven’t dined indoors. Time and time again, we’ve sacrificed our mental health weighing risk. We haven’t been able to celebrate a holiday or a special occasion without massive anxiety around juggling safety with hurt feelings and resentments from family and friends. We couldn’t even feel safe planning a 4th birthday party for our son who has now lived half of his life in a pandemic.

Parents like me have struggled to raise little kids, which is a hard enough learning curve, without much of the normal support we’d have had pre-pandemic. It’s supposed to take a village to raise a child, but the pandemic took a lot of our village away.

We all had a brief moment in summer 2021 where we thought vaccinated parents could protect their children. I auditioned for a musical in that window, feeling so excited for the possibility to perform again. And now, for the first time in 2 years, with the help of daily testing and stringent safety measures at one of my favorite theaters, I am performing maskless with other actors outside of my own family “bubble.”

I had hoped that we’d be in a place where my son could get vaccinated, as we were told that might be a possibility at the end of February. And then that rug was pulled from beneath us. So I had to make a decision. Quit the job, stay home, and further sacrifice my mental health and an opportunity for growth in my career and passion, or, perform, fret and worry about Covid, and carry around the massive mom guilt for not being able to bear staying home indefinitely while the world moves on.

This in-between place is not just difficult. It is impossible. To any overthinker who pays attention, the advice, the recommendations, the lifting of mandates when not everyone can come along on the same safety raft — none of it makes sense.

I don’t have any real answers or insight other than writing out the lack of logic helps explain the constant and louder anxiety that I am facing on the daily. And there is no choice in the world that decreases that anxiety. Either stay home and continue to suffer mentally, or be in the world of increased risk and suffer mentally.

I keep hearing people say that little kids will “probably be fine.” And if my kid were vaccinated, I’d be onboard with that. Because at that point, we’d have given him every protection possible. Every protection that we have. And we’d just have to go on like everyone else. But that is not the case. We are putting their safety in terms of “probably” – and after two years of a hypersensitivity to risk, leaving safety to the whim of “probably” doesn’t feel great.

I don’t blame anyone who has decided to embrace unmasking and returning to a more normal life. If my situation were different, I would likely be one of those people. But my family is still not at a point where we are comfortable just going on with our lives like normal — especially when the recommendations for our son have not changed. But we have had to go back to work. We have had to see some family and some friends. We cannot live our lives in isolation while all around we’re being gaslit. We’re being told we’re overreacting, and in the eyes of most people around us, the pandemic that we fear so much is gone.

But none of it feels good. We are not in the group of people who chose not to get vaccinated and chose to take their chances with the virus. We want protection, and we want to believe we are on the boat to normalcy. But we’ve largely been left behind.

So, all of that to say, be kind to parents. Parents in general, but especially, parents of littles. We are just struggling to stay afloat after years of treading water. And we too are just desperate for relief that we don’t feel safe enough to claim fully. But we need it — relief from isolation, worry, anxiety, constant fear, risk assessment, and the feeling that the world is moving to a new phase without considering us.